I have to admit, I don’t like dog outfits.
I’m not talking about the practical coats you often see elderly greyhounds in, or the rain cloaks keeping little chihuahuas dry, I just mean the costumes.
Dogs are already adorable and goofy, they don’t need anything more.
That said, B&M has this year released a pet clothing range so obscure I had to get one, if only to save one poor pup having to parade around the house in it come Easter.
B&M’s new springtime dog costumes come in three varieties – a rabbit, a chick and a lamb – and cost £6 each.
I was able to get my hands on the latter. While they come in ‘small, medium and large’, like most dog clothing, they size up small. As a guide, my Rafferty is around the size of a Staffy and he fit a large.
Once I got the outfit, I was struck with the idea of creating an Easter card design with Raff as a sheep front and centre. Hey, it’s been a tough year, my friends and family could do with a laugh.
Upon reflection, that was a lofty goal.
My first hurdle was the material of the lamb costume which is that fake sherpa wool that feels a bit like soft cotton wool.
It’s Rafferty’s favourite material to chew. The amount of blankets and hoodies of that material that have seen a few rounds with his teeth is absurd.
It meant that whenever I managed to get the costume anywhere near his legs or head, he wanted it in his mouth. Also the light colour stayed clean for one tenth of a femtosecond.
Oh well, sheep are rarely seen without mud all over them, right?
The next hurdle was the actual design of the costume. You know those funny Halloween costumes that make the wearer look like they’re being carried by an alien or that they’re riding a horse?
The ones that have fake legs to create a bit of an optical illusion? That’s what these outfits are like.
Which means that the outfit is only meant to be worn at the front and with only the front legs. Which also means it’s easy to pull off and is bulky enough to be in your dog’s line of vision.
Despite this, we soldiered on with treat bag in hand.
I did want to go outside and get some pics in the grass but there was no way I was willing to expose our shame to the neighbours, so we made do with a few throws and props on the sofa.
As any dog owner knows, getting a picture of your dog is lucky, getting a good picture in the right pose? Nothing short of miraculous.
I spent most of our photoshoot balancing my phone, a bag of treats and squeaky toys in the feigned hope of getting a few decent shots.
There was a lot of perfect photos ruined by a sudden lunge for a treat, a few with a thumb in the corner of the picture, and then some just of the floor as I dropped my phone in despair.
The end results? Interesting. I can’t see Rafferty donning professional Easter greetings cards anytime soon, but it was certainly a laugh and he got a few extra treats out of it, so he was happy.
Maybe when you get there, make sharing a picture of your dog in our Top Dogs feed your very brilliant first job.
If this has convinced you, for some strange reason, to get one of these outfits for your dog, please be prepared to not get a good picture.
Also, give your best friend lots of treats and fuss, they really are the kindest of creatures to put up with our tomfoolery if only for five minutes.